Man Of The Match

Over the last weekend, both of our boys played hockey (ice) on different days in different towns. One of them won MOTM and one didn’t. Both worked equally hard and one probably worked a bit harder than the other one. Who do you think won MOTM?

Actually, it doesn’t matter. All that matters is that they did their best and that their Dad – that would be me – was hugely proud of them.

I have been reading book-snippets recently that have been through the eyes of grown men reflecting on the times their Dad came to see them play their favourite sport. All of them write about how they sometimes won awards, sometimes played badly, sometimes messed up and sometimes felt like the best player on the planet.

Each of them also writes about how their Dad was always there for them.

Always cheering them on.

Always the loudest.

Always proud.

Always.

What really struck me was how the love and pride of their Dad – no matter what the outcome - struck a deep, resonate chord with them in later life. MOTM awards come and go. Accolades come and go. Fitness, skill and desire come and go. The most important thing by far was the fact their Dad was ‘there’ for them. Maybe not always physically, but ever present.

The cheers from the previous match still echoed in the next game. The understated, humble congratulation after winning MOTM still ran deep. The hugs and tears and fish & chips after working really hard but losing still brought comfort and confidence. In later life, each and everyone one of those men valued the love and pride of their Dad far more than any award or outcome.

I want to be one of those Dads. I want to be the Dad that is always there, whether that be physically or in their hearts. In life, awards will come and go; accolades will come and go; challenges will come and go. They might win MOTM ten games in a row. What is important is that I am still proud of them when they don’t win it in the eleventh game.

When my sons are grown men, no matter what happens in life, the echoes of my love and pride will still be what they hear in the air.

Leaves and Trees

Oh dear. Would appear I have not been very good at writing in recent weeks. My thoughts and efforts have been elsewhere. We have sold our house, found a new one and are waiting for news on when we might move. The whole thing took under two weeks - from our decision to sell, to selling, to finding and to offering. It's been an amazing journey and we are excited about all the future holds.

My wife, being the amazing women she is, walked into our new house and said "Christmas tree is there; piano is there; sofa is there". What struck me was the way she said "is" and not "would". She walked into each room and saw our life. She saw how it was going to be, not what it might be like. She didn't see the potential, she saw the actual. We fell in love with the house straight away and are looking forward to making it home.

Anyway, enough about that. Leaves and trees. "What is that about?" you might ask. A good question. I was walking the dog the other day and admiring how beautiful the trees looked. Autumn colours have always melted my heart and left me 'fire staring' - just mesmerised by the beauty, texture and colours.

The following day was exceptionally windy. The dog and I went on the same walk and many of the leaves had been blown off and swept away. Overnight, in a moment, the beauty of the colours had been replaced by exposed branches and bear trees. As I looked at the trees, I found myself thinking about pruning. Any good gardener will tell you that it is important to prune out of season. It is an essential process that allows for new birth in the next season and ensures the trees and plants can continue to flourish.

I was thinking about the last few months and how many things in my life have been stripped away. I have been through a pruning process where the old things in my life - mindsets, luggage, baggage, work, etc. - have been blown away by the winds of life and the Spirit and left me pretty bear and stark.

But then I found myself being thankful and rejoicing. By allowing the baggage and old things in life to be blown away, it prepares me for the next season. It ensures I am ready to grow new things. I am ready to yield even better fruit.

The next time there is a really windy day, why not go for a walk. Watch the leaves be blown from the trees and swept away. Think about the things in your life which are still attached to you that are preventing new growth in a new season and allow them to be swept away.

Pruning is a good and necessary exercise. There is a great verse in the Bible about how pruning only comes when a tree has born fruit. If something doesn't bear fruit, the branches are cut off. Pruning is the preparation of a new season but a season in itself. It comes because something has been fruitful - something has gone well. But it can bear even more fruit. Go through the pruning process and it will do you good.

The Start of a Whole New Adventure

It's been a couple of weeks since I last blogged. If you have been checking in regularly, my apologise for the lack of information. Alot of my creative thinking and general typing has been invested in (mainly) work.

After about four months of being in the wilderness, I feel like I am strolling in the meadows of a lush landscape. There is some provision to get the journey started, but as I said in my last post, the best is yet to come and I am looking forward to seeing the real fruits of this land my family and I are now in.

The other thing that has happened since I last blogged is that my wife and I feel it is time to sell our house and move on..... down. Six years ago, we moved into a very large house in our hometown and started to serve the Church family by being a Mum & Dad and Brother & Sister to people who needed a home. During that time, thirteen different people lived with us from various walks of life and for varying periods of time.

Many people have asked us how we have done it; how we have 'coped' on a day-to-day basis. There is a grace. It has been a privilege and honour to serve people and love them, but their is a grace for it. Some people have the grace to feed the homeless every night; some people have the grace to raise two/three/four children alone; some have the grace to work as teachers or doctors and put in long hours. We had the grace to do what we did, but now it has gone. That is not a bad thing, but when the grace to do something has gone (the unshakeable willingness to give of yourself without hesitation of question), it is time to consider the future.

For some time now we have been talking about whether our time was up. Whether our season had come to an end and whether it was time to move into something smaller and focus on our own children. In the last ten days, that has been confirmed again and again - it is time to focus on the core family so that their future is secure. Don't get me wrong - there is absolutely nothing wrong with our family life or our friendships. Quite the opposite. But that is partly why we want to focus on just the four of us.... to ensure that the future is better than the past.

We have started the process of getting the house valued. That has been fun. It is amazing how one estate agent can value the house at one price and another be different by as much as 20%. I am sure that by the time they have all reviewed and estimated, we will have some idea of its true value.

My wife saw a friend today who was really excited for us. "The start of a whole new adventure", she said. And she's right - it is. The best is (still) yet to come and we are starting on a whole new adventure. Life should be like that.... it should be one big adventure to be enjoyed. Our adventure is now going to be with our children and then our wider Church family.

Whether you are thinking of moving house, moving jobs, moving the furniture or simply changing your view on life, I hope you enjoy "the whole new adventure" that awaits you. There will be a grace for it.

Honest and Open Conversations

Are you like me? Do you crave honest and open conversations with people? I will seek them wherever I can. Doesn't matter where, I will always try and find people who want to share what is going on in their lives. Not because I am nosey.... just because it is good to share and talk and encourage people on their journey.

It happened down at the pub the other night. Amongst all of the music and live bands, my wife and I sought out some old friends and had some really good, deep conversations with people. "Where are you at?". "How are the kids?". "How is work?". Just asking some simple questions and being honest yourself opens people up to share and chat.

These deep conversations lead us into better friendships.... friendships that last a lifetime and can withstand any pressure. They allow us to be real and honest with ourselves and our friends. When we put a front on and pretend everything is OK or brag about our lives and achievements, we are only doing ourselves damage. When we share our hearts with each other, trust, love and respect blossom and flourish.

Perhaps you have been bragging a bit about yourself and your achievements. Perhaps you have been talking 'at' people rather that conversing 'with' them. Maybe you have not sought out honest conversations. When you next get the chance, ask someone how they really are, and when they ask you the question in return, be honest with them. You will find your friendships deepening and your love growing.

Summer Holidays And Words That Never End

We are off on our summer break. We are spending a week-and-a-bit in France, probably lounging around, riding bikes, eating good food and enjoying good coversation. We are making the journey from the South Coast of England on 'The Cat' , which shortens the journey by a third. We have never been on 'The Cat' so it should be a new experience for all of us.

I love being away with my family. It gives me the chance to top up on my Dad and husband skills. Both are like muscles that require daily exercise and toning, but every now and then they also need a more intense period of training to make sure they are in peek condition. Spending time with my family lets me flex these muscles and use them to the best of their ability - to love my wife and kids unconditionally, without reserve or restraint. Whenever I spend time with them, I realise just how privileged I am to have them as my best friends.

It's Good To Talk....

One thing my wife and I will definitely do when we are away is talk. We love to talk, normally over good food and drink. Our conversations can often go on for hours, drifting into the night air. The topics are too varied to mention. Someone once said that spoken words never fade - that they come out of our mouths and continue into the air around us and eventually into space. Have you ever seen the film 'Contact', starring Jodie Foster? There is a wonderful scene where the main characters analyse the audio they have picked up from space. What they discover is an 'echo' of voices from the past - a playback of history.

Imagine what it would be like to listen to every conversation you ever had again? Not all of it would be great (I am speaking for myself here). What about every famous word that has ever been spoken? Martin Luther King's "I have a dream" speech; Winston Churchill's "we will fight them on the beeches" speech; Ghandi's declaration that "we must be the change we wish to see".

Some of great words and speeches have been recorded, but what if we could listen to words that hadn't been? Queen Elizabeth's speech to the fleet before they engaged with the Spanish Armada; Mark Twain's "Votes for Women" speech; the words of Jesus on the cross "forgive them Father for they don't know what they're doing". The actual people speaking the actual words. Words that were spoken which such resonance and historical significance, particularly those of Jesus - absolute love and absolute forgiveness. That would be amazing.

As I enjoy holidaying with my family and long conversations with my wife, I hope my words are few but important..... just in case they are being recorded and echo back in years to come.

Being Dad - The Big Adventure

I played rugby in the garden with the boys the other day.

We were going to play 'tag' rugby but they decided it should be 'full-on-take-down-Dad-rugby!'. I happily obliged, allowing them to take me down at will, but also giving them a little Dad-push every now and then to remind them who is stronger. :o)

They won.

My rugby skills are not what they once were and when you have two boys against you, it can be difficult.

But it didn't matter whether I won or lost. That wasn't the point.

What mattered was that they wanted to 'take me down' and bundle with Dad. Over those thirty minutes (that was all I could manage), we laughed, shouted and celebrated. For much of the time, Mum watched from an upstairs window. She loves to watch all of her boys playing - it gives her a real sense of security that all is well with her children and that Dad is totally engaged with bringing up the kids. It's good for her, not just for me and the boys.

Even though we only spent thirty minutes together, the boys loved it. They will talk about that for weeks to come - how I was handed off by my 11-year-old; how my 8-year-old side-stepped me; how I dived for the line with both of them clinging onto me; how they passed the ball forward to score the winning try (at least I was sure it was forward).

I was recently watching a TV programme where James Cracknell, two-time Olympic rowing medalist, spoke about how raising a family was his "next big adventure". Whether you have boys or girls, whether your kids are big or small - enjoy your time with them. Let them play what they want to and throw yourself into it with all you have. Let it be your next big adventure.